How to Survive and Thrive as a Busy Working Parent

Deb describes her marriage as a 60/60 partnership, where both people give more than an even share instead of tracking who did exactly half. She and her husband divide responsibilities into clear swim lanes, such as his grocery shopping and her cooking, and trust each other to follow through without nagging. They also use walks and “conscious renegotiation” to reconnect and adjust responsibilities as their work and family demands change.

Deb says school schedules and daytime events often assume a parent is available, making logistics especially hard for working families. Her family relied on grandparents and a longtime nanny, who helped make mornings calmer by preparing breakfast and driving the children to school. She speaks openly about that support because people who receive help can otherwise make parents without it feel as though they are failing.

Deb describes caring for children while supporting her mother and in-laws, including her mother's eight-year cancer fight and her father-in-law's seven months in intensive care. Regular Sunday dinners and help from family gave them time together, though caregiving could be stressful and plans could change suddenly. She advises building a dependable community and asking older relatives about their lives before a future “someday” arrives.

Deb emphasizes consistency, apologizing when parents make mistakes, and listening to children's perspectives. She and her daughter write a column together, which has helped Deb understand her daughter's feelings about college pressure. Deb describes parenting as gardening: support children as they grow into their own interests, negotiate expectations, and make independent choices.

Deb's no-regrets approach is to look ahead when work means missing an event: tell the children what to expect, make another plan, and focus on the next chance to connect. Her family protects touchstones such as dinner, game nights, and movie nights as phone-free time. She also says her son choosing Boston College over her preferred Duke was a proud moment because he spoke up for his own path.